Reassurance
by Lost Lantean
Summary: "But if you really wanted to know what drew me into loving you, I couldn't point to any one thing." Surprised at that, she lifted her head so she could look down into his eyes. "Nothing?" "Everything," He answered. Now also a place to put up one-shots as I think of them.
1. Chapter 1

"Your voice," John Shepard answered thoughtfully. He gazed at her face, her delicate looking pale lavender skin was so enticing and he could see her vivid purple irises faintly glowing from what little light there was in the room while drinking in the sight of him in return. She smiled a shy crooked smile, seemingly unsure of what to make of his answer. He reached out and brushed his hand along her cheek. "Your voice, especially filtered through your helmet, has a musical quality to it." He shifted, easing himself down onto the bed and gently pulling her down along with him. As she settled down beside him and laid her head on his chest he continued. "And it's expressive. But if you really wanted to know what drew me into loving you, I couldn't point to any one thing."

Surprised at that, she lifted her head so she could look down into his eyes. "Nothing?"

"Everything," He answered with a smirk. Trying to do his best imitation of her voice when she'd first confessed to having feelings for him he elaborated. "An alliance officer finds a young Quarian engineer in a skintight suit." A three fingered hand swats playfully at his chest and he chuckles before continuing. "Who has exactly the evidence he needs and then selflessly joins his crew to be dragged around the galaxy and into numerous battles in defense of people who shun and insult her at every turn." He turned to face her directly, the tone of his voice taking on a higher pitched, teasing tone. "How could he possibly develop feelings for her?"

"Bosh'tet," She retorted with a laugh and a playful shove.

He retaliated by tugging her into him, savoring the contact of her bare skin against his as she landed on top of him. She snuggled into him for a moment then shifted to lay with her head on his shoulder so she could look up into the skylight. His arm snaked under her back and his hand with all of its five fingers rested on her stomach.

"I'm serious though, there is no one thing I could point to and say this is why I fell for you, nor is there one time I can say I went from liking you to loving you. Have you ever wondered why you're the last stop on my rounds?"

"Sometimes," she admitted with a hint of jealousy.

"You've heard the human saying, 'saving the best for last'?"

"A few times. That's like asking for the bad news before the good news?"

He sighed, "This war is draining Tali. On the first Normady, after we'd defeated Saren and Sovereign the council just slapped medals on us and swept us under the rug. Then there was Cerberus and having to watch my back while most of my adopted family turned away because of a logo. We had to go though all those missions for the crew so that they could put their affairs in order before facing death in an uncharted portion of the galaxy." Tali put her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze as he continued, his voice growing increasingly irritated and angry. "We came back with everyone alive and well plus exabytes of data on the reapers and it was ignored. Then I was locked up and tried for delaying the reaper invasion."

"And now your world burns while you run around appeasing all those who wouldn't listen and got caught with their… pants off?"

John chuckled, "pants down, but it's close enough. " He lifted his hand off of her stomach and felt her begin to play with his fingers. She slowly flexed them closed, one by one curling his hand into a loose fist before reversing the process. "Have I ever told you I like when you do that?"

Her amusement was audible in her voice, "No, I don't think you have. But you were telling me why you always came to me last in your rounds."

His other hand reached over and rested gently on her stomach. "Because you could…"

"I could?" She prompted gently after a moment's silence.

"…Recharge me? Reassure me perhaps. On our first tour I think it was that you almost always seemed upbeat. You managed to ignore all the bad and treasured even the smallest act of kindness. You had a contagious energy and an inspiring generosity and there were many times when that was exactly what I needed. When I came back and you saw me with Cerberus you still trusted me even though you had no good reason to. You came with me on a Cerberus ship and even that didn't dampen your spirit, you were bolder, more confident but still radiated that cheerfulness and hope I needed."

"Until I came back as a Admiral," she said sadly.

"That playful, not innocent yet innocent spark is still there if what we did earlier is any indication," John said coyly. "And I think I made the Admiral blush."

She stopped playing with his hands and smirked when he lifted his head to look down at where their hands were still joined together. "Bosh'tet."

"You should find some other Khelish curse words, that one is getting boring," he teased.

She resumed playing with his fingers and he lowered his head back to the pillow. "It just fits so well."

He shook his head and used the arm wrapped under her to give a gentle squeeze, "So what brought on this line of self consciousness?"

She sighed slightly, "I guess I still have a hard time understanding why you still want me when you can have someone you can be with anytime. How long did you spend sterilizing all this space so that I could be here without my suit? How much time did we lose so I can get undressed and how much more do you have to lose to-" His finger placed gently against her lips stopped her and she felt him move, carefully shifting both of them until she was lying on the mattress instead of him and his lips were pressed firmly to her forehead.

He pulled back, looking deeply into her eyes, "I care so deeply about you and it's like nothing I've felt before. I love you Tali'Zorah vas Normady and you see all the scars that run deeper than my skin and all the problems I hide so well from everyone else and instead of flinching away you lean in to catch me in your embrace and show me I'm not so bad." He smiled gently at her, "Every second we have with you out of that suit goes by much too quickly. But Tali, it also means everything to me to share those precious seconds with you. We share something deeper than physical affection and in or out of your suit that's what's most important."

It was her turn to smirk as she leaned up to capture his lips for a hard kiss before pulling him down onto herself. More words, as he would agree in the morning, would have been simply a waste of time to precious to not enjoy fully.

A/N: My first Mass Effect fan fic done. Probably a bit to sappy for the characters but you can complain in your reviews if you so desire. I also have the beginnings of a draft on re-writing the ending in a way that I would feel is more plausible and more complete. No idea on when or if I'll actually finish that however.


	2. Past Relationship: Ashley

Commander Shepard stood from his desk and picked up the small model he had set beside his picture of Ashley. He didn't have any idea how Cerberus had obtained it, though he knew without a doubt that it was the genuine article. He could tell because neither he nor Ashley had ever constructed a model ship before and subsequently this particular rendition of the SSV Madrid had a great many flaws. He turned the model over in his hands, confirming some of the badly placed pieces, the flows where they'd used excessive amounts of glue and the incorrectly placed decals that would have gotten an alliance paint crew summarily fired upon the sight of it.

A sad smile formed on the commander's lips as he recalled the day, or rather night, that Ashley had presented it as a gift. Both of them were, at their core, soliders and neither had had the faintest clue just how difficult and different building a simple toy would prove. But she had insisted they try. He knew what possessed her to come up with the situation, the night before he'd confessed that he was fascinated with Tali's skill as an engineer and that he envied her ability to not just destroy but to create and build.

The smile fell and his hands tightened around the model to the point that its lines and imperfections started to bite into his hands. She hadn't trusted him, refused to see past the logo on his ship or so much as consider the possibility that Garrus wouldn't have joined up if he really did buy into the Cerberus bullshit agenda. The hard edges of the model injected pain into his hand and the plastic creaked as he continued to squeeze it harder, thinking of the email. "I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck," he muttered out loud. Blood seeped from where a particularly sharp edge cut into his skin. With a yell he drew his arm back and then threw the model at the wall with all his might. With a resounding crack the model shattered into a blossom of colorful plastic bits.

"Keelah…"

Shepard whirled around to face the intruder, his form tensing as he prepared to fight off his potential attacker. His cybernetic enhancements responded, flooding his system with adrenaline and various endorphins to enhance his 'combat performance'. At the same time the 'synthetic weave' was activated, hardening his skin against most types of damage. Finally, enhancements made to his eyes and ears boosted his perception of the battlefield while also minimizing the possibility for excessive light or sound to leave him blind, deaf and ultimately defenseless. All of this made Tali seem to move in slow motion as she jerked back at the sudden movement and fury she must have perceived in his eyes.

Thankfully, Miranda's promise that Cerberus had not made him a mindless killing machine for their use was in fact true. Now that he was used to the effects of all the technology the Lazarus project had stuffed into his body he had a much easier time controlling it and with a deep breath he recovered from his artificially enhanced bloodlust and quickly unclenched his fists. "Tali?" He questioned through clenched teeth that were slowly becoming looser. He closed his eyes for a moment, "I'm sorry… You startled me and my Cerberus enhancements overcompensate." He opened his eyes to see her wring her hands nervously.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I just wanted to thank you for letting me inspect EDI and for welcoming me back and making Jacob apologize, though you really didn't have to do that and… And Yeoman Chambers, uh, Kelly, said you would be able to see me and so…" She stopped, finally noticing the amused smile on the commander's face and mentally berated herself. Unconsciously she gripped her own hands tightly. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to –"

"It's alright Tali." He interrupted, "I don't mind." He watched the effect of his words on her body, noticing the grip on her forearms loosen and her helmet tilt to one side. "And you're welcome. I can't imagine it's easy for you to be on a Cerberus ship so anything I can do to help, just ask."

"Not a Cerberus ship," she corrected, letting go of her hands and letting them fall to her sides. "Your ship."

'His ship', he thought with some bitterness. Although the Cerberus crew was getting to like and respect him more than just what they were paid for, and the mission specialists weren't all Cerberus cronies, he still wondered who they would back if push came to shove. Nodding to himself he crouched down to begin picking up the pieces of the model he'd broken only a short time ago. "Not exactly the old Normady's atmosphere," he answered honestly, "but I'm working on it."

She walked further into the almost unconscionably large space that was reserved specifically for him. With a shake of her head she crouched down to begin collecting model pieces off of the floor. "Not even an admiral would have so much space."

"Huh?"

Tali looked over at him, not even realizing she'd voiced the thought. "In the fleet, not even our admirals have this much living space."

John nodded, watching her move to his desk and deposit the pieces she carried. "What are your quarters like on the fleet?"

She returned to helping him pick up the pieces as she answered. "It depends on the ship, really. On smaller warships it's very much like the old Normady, with lockers for personal storage, a smallish clean room for suit repairs and maintenance, something like the sleeping pods for resting. Not that much different. On the live ships though, there are actually large open decks that serve as… farms, for lack of a better term. Though it's nothing like the luxury of the organic spaces on the Citadel. They are taller than a standard human deck, about one and half times, to accommodate the plants, hydroponics, is I think the correct human term, support and harvesting equipment.

"Then there's the housing decks which are just arrangements of plain metal boxes really. Of course everyone decorates their personal space according to their own tastes so the housing areas are probably some of the most colorful areas on the ship. Always crowded too, though not necessarily in the good way the Citadel is, but not in a bad way either. There's usually an area on each city deck that provides limited space for trading so if I have something I no longer need I can give it to someone who does.

"There are also dedicated workshop areas where tools and some raw materials are available to make repairs and modifications. Most of the time those are spread out and run by people who know what they are doing. But after I got my first suit I used to visit them when nobody else was around and my father didn't have an objective for me. It was good to tinker and be rewarded with something that worked right." She sat down on the chair at the desk. "Even if my father never seemed to understand…"

"He approved your transfer," John answered, hoping to ease some of the sadness he heard and could see in the way she slumped in his chair, "even promised severe retribution by the fleet if I get you hurt or killed."

She shook her head and gave a mirthless chuckle as she looked up at him. "He never did have a problem trying to protect me… Just…" She let the statement trail off and tried again. "He tries, in his own way, as Shala would say."

"Sometimes people get much less than they deserve."

Tali nodded and turned her attention to the pieces of model spacecraft. "Speaking of that, what did this toy do to deserve being smashed?" She couldn't and didn't hide the worry in her voice. The display of violence had been out of character for him after all, as had the struggle to keep himself from attacking her.

"Nothing." He tried to deflect, "it just ended up being a scapegoat for a misplaced sense of aggression from the implants."

"Horizon?" She ventured while glancing at the picture of Ashley.

He shook his head and met the piercing gaze her silvery orbs leveled at him. The look conveyed a demand for the truth and the promise of understanding and he slowly nodded, leaning against the desk. "I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck," he quoted from Ashely's email. "That was from Ashley, in a message apologizing for her behavior on Horizon. We wrote back and forth several more times but now all she wants from me is to turn myself in or silence."

Tali frowned behind her mask and her words had a hint of anger to them. "I'm sorry."

"It's like she thinks I'm some sort of traitor. Or possibly that I can't be who I say I am. Though with all the implants and the other work, am I? I have these fits of rage and even though I can control them, I don't remember it being this bad before."

"When I first saw you, I had my doubts." She said shamefully, "But you mentioned my pilgrimage gift and since neither of us ever spoke of the gift after you gave it to me I believed you couldn't be an imposter. Then you let me take Veetor and I knew it was really you."

John reached out and patted her shoulder before recalling Quarian aversion to physical contact and withdrawing with an apologetic look. "Ash didn't even let me try to prove myself though. She just shoved me away. Looked at the logo and made her decision about me. It was like… Like weeks ago she loved me and then she hated me all because of the uniform." He clenched his fist again and his voice rose. "After learning to trust you and Garrus and Wrex and not make snap judgments based on race. She ignored me, discounted the support of you and Garrus just to think the worst of me." His hand slammed into the surface of the desk causing both the pieces of model spaceship and Tali to jump.

"Sheppard!" Tali squeaked, rising from her chair fast enough to send it flying backwards.

He winced at the sound and was about to pull away when he felt a firm grasp on his wrist. He looked up to see her helmet tilted down towards his hand and felt confusion as she gently pulled at his fingers to inspect them for damage. Her head shook as she checked each digit, carefully scrutinizing his face for the slightest hint that her ginger flexing of his own fingers was causing discomfort. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to pull away so he let her finish then watched as she let his hand go and bounced nervously on her toes.

"I don't think you did any damage." She closed her eyes and thought back, working to reign in her jealousy and her anger. That Ashley, who had overcome her prejudice to the point of being like an older sister, could do this the man she supposedly loved was infuriating. Especially knowing that… She squashed the thought and redirected her mind to more useful paths. Opening her eyes she saw Commander Shepard looking at her anxiously. "Guess we both deserve better form someone we care about?" She pulled in a breath and momentarily debated how to handle this. She could probably destroy that relationship with her words but if she did, she'd regret taking advantage of his trust. "Have you considered it from Ash's perspective though?"

"What do you mean?"

Tail sighed and sat back down. "It's been two years," She started gently. "Two years of seeing everything we fought against being tossed out the airlock so that it can go back to business as usual. You know about the pressure my father's position placed on me?" He nodded and she continued, picking up two pieces of the model as she spoke. "She talked a little about what her family legacy has done to her. I doubt she gave up on the Reapers even though the Alliance wants it buried just like the Council so…"

"Back to working at least twice as hard as anyone else has to just to get her shot at advancement."

"Until she was through whatever it was you called your officer school and possibly beyond that. We didn't stay in touch that long, for a variety of reasons I guess." She shrugged and continued. "So I'm sure you can imagine the suspicions that rumors of your affiliation with Cerberus created and the way she would fight them until confronted with what seemed like the truth."

"A punch in the gut coupled with the possibility of undoing all her hard work."

"Huh?"

"Sorry, just thinking back to when we were fooled into killing that politician's sister to hide the fact that she was related to a slaver. I felt like being punched in the gut because of how we had been used."

"Yes, precisely. No matter what else she might have wanted to think, a ship and a crew is too large an investment, the trust too great to be given to someone who isn't loyal. Between you, Captain Anderson, and the Alliance what else would she have learned about being given such a large command?"

At this he looked down and stalked off, muttering to himself as he approached the sofa.

"John?"He turned around in a snap, his surprise at hearing his first name from Tali written all over his face.

She stopped abruptly and started fussing with her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I mean I shouldn't have presumed… And…"

"Tali?"

She stopped and looked over at him. "I think you've earned the right to be on a first name basis while we're off duty."

She blinked and guessed that he could somehow realize just how her smile beamed behind the faceplate. She did hope he couldn't figure out that she was blushing furiously though. "I… Thank you."

"No Tali, thank you. For joining up with a Cerberus crew and for talking this through with me. I think I forgot that my return wouldn't be easy on everyone."

"Two years that seem like, what, a couple of days for you? I can only imagine how confusing that must be. But you aren't alone and no matter what, I'll always be here to care for you…" Realizing what she just said with a start she quickly added, "Anyway, I think I should go." She rose quickly, but more gracefully from her seat and made a quick retreat towards the door, thankful for the visor covering her burning cheeks.

John rubbed at the back of his neck, suddenly recognizing her distress over her choice of wards and having it conflict with the slight rush that hearing them gave. He suddenly didn't want her to leave. "Tali?" She turned her head, silvery eyes showing her confusion as she looked back at him. "I really do appreciate you talking this through with me."

"Isn't that what friends do?" She asked quietly.

Ashley hadn't. Liara hadn't. Garrus probably would but not in the easy way she had, and probably not on his own initiative. "Only the best of them."

A sad smile formed under Tali's helmet. The words hurt her as much as they helped seeing as 'best friend' was all she was ever going to get despite her wishes to the contrary.

A/N: On the one hand this doesn't seem like a great spot to end the one-shot. On the other, nothing I tried to add seemed to fit.

Also, to those of you who subscribed to this story, I apologize. I thought it was foolish to sign up for notifications on a completed one-shot but as it turns out, I was wrong. Reassurance will probably become the place to put up any other fluffy one-shots I manage to come up with and type up.


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